Industry fights back

Relaxing emissions regulations can only help protect those who are employed in UK industry, as Dave Wilson discovers.

<b>’You can only milk a cow so long, then you’re left holding the pail.’ – Hank Aaron</b>

The organisers of the conference on Global Warming were preparing for an extremely successful event. But to be frank, it was hardly surprising. For starters, they had brought together the world’s pre-eminent authorities on the subject under one roof at a rather swish hotel in London.

Then, to generate lots of interest, they issued a number of statements citing some very controversial and alarming opinions that the scientists were likely to reveal about the perilous state of the world’s health. And the tremendous effect that industrial CO2 emissions from industry were playing in its destruction.

As the controversy increased, so did the number of folks who registered to attend the event. And, at £200 a pop, that made the organisers as Happy as Larry.

But one fella that wasn’t so happy was The Chief Executive Officer at the Global Industrial Group. To be specific, he was extremely angry at the thought of a bunch of scientists terrifying the general public with their misguided liberal opinions that would be certain to reflect badly on his particularly badly polluting business.

So the CEO kicked his Global Corporate PR machine into gear. And how busy they were, dear reader, running around like headless chickens to organise another ‘event’ on the same subject that would take place just four days before the ‘competition’ crucified their company.

And they pulled it off too. Just days before the attendees rolled into the London venue, a virtual conference on Global Warming was ‘broadcast’ to an unsuspecting public over the Internet.

And I’m sure you won’t be surprised to learn how different the messages from the two groups were! While the London team of PhDs discussed how industry had to tidy up its act and embrace the Kyoto Protocol, their pre-payed Internet-based pals were blaming the problem on eructing cattle Down Under.

And the PR move payed off too! The press gave both the Internet event and the legitimate conference equal shrift, pitting the Industrial Giants directly against their Bovine Antipodean adversaries. To illustrate one particular story, a rather witty art editor even mounted a picture of the CEO of the Global Industrial Group atop a Blonde d’Aquitaine bull!

It wasn’t just the folks in the Global Industrial Group that were pleased about the outcome either. Certain members of the UK Parliament whose constituents worked for the Global Industrial Group were quietly chuffed too. So much so that they decided to propose some new legislation that would curtail offensive gas from cattle while loosening up the rather restrictive CO2 emission limits on industry.