A call to arms

Our anonymous blogger proposes a radical festive solution to industry’s skills gap

As the magazine’s nominated man on the workshop floor (as it were) I would like to take this opportunity put out a call to arms. Why? Because, my Brothers and Sisters, we find ourselves surrounded by indolence and aggressors on all sides. Well I say that “enough is enough” and we should start kicking back.

What do we get from our government? A few fine words that subsequently disappear without trace, promises of help that are then withdrawn due to political expedience and finally the utter gall to suggest that problems in recruiting (whether in the wider terms of sheer numbers or more specifically in opening up the potential of “non-traditional” demographics) are down to the image we ourselves project!

Ruling elite, Bourgeoisie, Proletariat; all seem blissfully oblivious to the fact that our hard work has provided them with their current lifestyle.

If that isn’t enough to get you constructing exquisitely elegant and structurally sound barricades (with a safety factor of at least 2) and then standing astride them singing the Dambuster’s March whilst preparing Health and Safety compliant petrol bombs, I don’t know what is.

That wouldn’t be so bad – after all what else do we expect of the self-serving, short-termist jumped up professional expense-claimers – but it would also appear that the wider public couldn’t give a fig. Ruling elite, Bourgeoisie, Proletariat; all seem blissfully oblivious to the fact that our hard work has provided them with their current lifestyle. They seem to think that an engineer is either someone who cleans the rollers in the photocopier or an exotic creature that died out when Tweed stopped being fashionable. Thus are we shunned and metaphorically shackled.

Well, no more I say! I put it to you my friends that we need to forget the current middle aged generation, for they are sadly beyond redemption. Instead we should go after the children and we should be devious in our means. Through such dedicated long term strategy we shall eventually strike when all is in place and thus usher in a new golden age of engineering.

If you have a child, grandchild, niece, etc then buy them a couple of Lego sets for Christmas, empty the contents onto the floor and burn the instructions and packaging in front of them

A comrade recently remarked that his (bright) children like getting Lego sets for Christmas. However, once these have been built exactly as per the instructions they are left like that forevermore. My nephew, a generally well rounded and pleasant young man, spends all his time “gaming” online instead of rebuilding knackered old cars or constructing his own wind tunnel. This is where we find our revolutionary army and this is where we start. If you have a child, grandchild, niece, etc then buy them a couple of Lego sets for Christmas, empty the contents onto the floor and burn the instructions and packaging in front of them. This is probably best done:

a)     Outside for the burning bit.

b)     With other people’s children so that you don’t have to worry about the mess.

 If you have a youth then dismantle their games console whilst they are asleep, sometime between 4am and 3pm should be fine, leaving just a set of tools and an enigmatic calling card from “The Phantom Engineer.” Who’s with me?……..oh, and Merry Christmas.